The Twinkie Squad


From the Book:


To: D.C. Northeast School Bus Company
From: Douglas Fairchild, Esq., Passenger

I have been riding your bus now for three weeks, and wish to draw the following to your attention:
1) Your service is not prompt. Three times in the past week I have been forced to wait at least two minutes in inclement weather. As my attached medical records will confirm, I am subject to postnasal drip, which is aggravated by damp and cold.
2) Your vehicle is unsafe. On a sharp turn on G Street Northeast yesterday, I could feel the bus very nearly tipping over. When I attempted to organize my fellow passengers to lean to the left to maintain balance, the driver became abusive.
3) Your employee, the driver, is woefully lacking in concentration. On my first ride with her, I attempted a routine test, which involved bouncing raisins intermittently off the back of her head. She lost concentration, pulled the bus to the curb without checking her mirrors or signaling, and commenced an assault on my person.
Accordingly, I will now be traveling to school exclusively by taxi. Please let me know if you wish the taxi company to bill you directly, or if you would prefer I pay my own fare and invoice you on a monthly basis.

Yours, Etc.,
Douglas Fairchild

Copyright © 1992 Gordon Korman used by permission

How do you compete when your entire family is talented and famous? Douglas Fairchild, son of one of America's top diplomats, does it by switching the playing field. His father is known for his diplomatic abilities, and his mother for her society connections. His older siblings are a congressman and a research physician. But Douglas was born unexpectedly on a diplomatic mission, and has dual citizenship. He considers himself a Pefkakian National.

And while Doug could care less about grades and school, or anything other than the Pefkakian national pastime of frolicking in the bull rushes, or working on his history of Pefkakia, when the school sticks him in their special discussion group (usually referred to as the Twinkie Squad), and he sees how badly the other members are treated by the regular students, Doug is determined to turn things around.

Much to the counselors' dismay, Doug renames the Discussion Group the Grand Knights of the Exalted Karpoozi, and soon the Grand Knights are known throughout the school as the most secretive, exclusive organization on campus, known for their practical joke expertise. Nobody knows who the Grand Knights are, but the entire school wants in And while Doug may be in trouble with his teachers, his parents, and the Surgeon General of the United States, he's the best thing that ever happened to the Twinkie Squad!